I'm done.

7th grade is coming up.
And I'm done with the past...

Hi, I'm Jan Mariel Sandoval and I'm that kinda girl that wants everything she wants, but never gets it. I'm going to become a 7th grader at Giano Intermediate, and I don't want anymore drama, rumors, fights, lies, etc, starting all over again in my life.

I've had these braces for a long time now, and I'm glad that nobody has judged me because of that. These days, I don't really know who my true friends are. It's a strong mystery I need to solve. I still hang-out with those people that only care about themselves, and that's gotta stop. I need friends that actually care about me, and will always be there for me.. day by day.

I gotta stop pretending. Honestly, I just want to fit in like everyone else in school. Ya know, wear those skinny jeans, cardigans, fix your hair every morning to look good. But that's not really who I am. Sometimes, I don't even care what I wear. Because then, I would know if people like me for who I am, or who I'm not. Fitting in with the crowd, and being popular.. is every girl's dream. Unfortunately, that's not mine.

I need to make the right decisions. My conscience is telling me to do the right thing- just do whatever I want to do. Not what everyone else is doing. But I STILL want to be like everyone else for some reason. Right now, I don't care if people leave me out. Go ahead. Because true friends, never leave each other behind... Go think about that.

I've had my little crushes from the past few years. But please... I don't care anymore. Boys are the last part on my list.

My lesson is learned- listen to the people that you believe in; Respect the people who respect you back; If you care about someone, then you would do ANYTHING for them.. even death.; Don't be someone you aren't, 'cos karma can get you back; Make right decisions, it will do you good; It feels really nice to tell everything to someone that has all ears on you, and their arms ready to give you a hug after it's all over.

That's it. I'm done with all of this drama, rumors, lies... EVERYTHING. I've learned my lesson. I'll do whatever I want to do in my life. Don't give me a hard time, 'cos my ears aren't wiling to listen to you.

I'm out.

.

"One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim." - Henry Adams

Reflections.

Do you think you know me?
'Cos apparently, I don't even know who I am, myself.

Looking in the mirror, is just the outside. Not the inside. You might think some person is sympathetic and charming. But really, get to know their inside- before you see who they truly are.

But hey. You never know, maybe they're nice inside AND out. That's a great person right there.
But be careful in choosing your friends. They can change really quickly.

I'm not saying my friends have changed...

Or am I?

Go figure it out. You can do it.

J&H; H&J

Jan & Hannah; Hannah & Jan.

Try to tear us apart. 'Cos it ain't gonna happen!

We're the kinda bestfriends that share each others food.
We help the other one stand up, before she even falls.
We improvise songs with just a melody.
We can confess anything to each other, with no repercussions.
We write each other those little friendship letters, so in the future, we can reminisce all of this.
We sing a duet, but too afraid what people are gonna think on Youtube :P
We can get each other jealous, but we just laugh about it in the future.
We both wish that our friendship would last forever..

That's for sure.
So, if you have a bestfriend out there...
Tell her/him, everything you need to tell them.
Because you never know... that could be your last chance.

Hannah. Let's make our friendship worth it.
Let's go to the mall, buy each other things at Forever 21.
Let's have sleepovers that last for 2 days.
Let's play Chubby Bunny together and post it up on Youtube.
Let's give each other those blind-folded makeovers, like Sonny with a Chance :P
Let's watch those horror movies 'cos I know it's so fun watching them with you.
Let's buy REAL friendship necklaces/bracelets.
Let's just be bestfriends forever? Deal?

I know I'm kinda making a BIG DEAL about my friendship with Hannah.
But I don't really care what you think. 'Cos having her a part of my life, is just... perfect.

Hannah Francesca Mojica Cueto, you're the bestest friend anyone could possess.
I'm glad to call you MY BEST FRIEND.
Oh wait, scratch that...
MY SISTER :)

Funniest Day EVER!

Today I went over to Breanna's house.

And OHHHH GOSHHH. I LAUGHED SOOOOO FREEEEAKKKINNN MUCHHHH!!!
I couldn't breathe at all!
I was laughing for like, 4 minutes straight.

Man.
That was HILARIOUS!
I want one of those days again. haha :P

Confusing much?

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I know I've recently did a post today, but I have some things to say...

Right at this moment, I really hate a few things that are currently, or has happened, in my life.

1. I hate how happiness can just fade away with a blink of an eye.

2. I hate how this summer, I'm hardly going to see my friends.

3. I hate how some people 'think' they know how you feel, when actually, they really don't.

4. I hate how you plan something, but then all of a sudden, it gets canceled.

5. I hate how there's only a handful of people that I fully trust.

6. I hate how he seems like the only one that fully cares about my feelings.

7. I hate how the people you love just leave you, but then they come back with an apology.

8. I hate how your friends think you're full of joy just because you don't seem sad on the outside. Just because you don't show it, doesn't mean you don't feel anything.

9. I hate how happy songs can actually make you cry.

10. I hate how you can miss someone so much, you wish you never met them.

11. But somehow, I LOVE how typing this all down... makes me wanna say, "I love my life." Because sometimes, living in this place we call 'earth', can be the best part of all.

I thought to myself, "Why do I always worry about all my little problems? I should just thank God that he has given me a life to live..."

MARSHMALLOWS

Sound sooooo good right now >.<

I've been craving them for quite a while.
Someone go buy me some. hehe

Anyway, today was an okay day.
Woke up at 6:30. Dang, I was still soo sleepy. It was difficult for me to open my eyes. 'Cos my mind told me to go back to sleep. haha

When I got to Giano, it was like any other Summer School day.
When the 2-hour class was over, I saw my brother walking down the side-walk to pick me up.
Hehe, It's funny how my friend Luis says, "ALTOIDS"

So yeah.
My brother and I walked home.
I needed to go pee kinda badly. LOL (That's something personal)

And ever since 10:17, until now... I've been doing the same thing.

- Eat
- Computer
- Television
- DS

Boring life right there. haha!
I wanna go to the mall tomorrow.
And go buy some things at Forever 21.

I think Breanna's at Las Vegas right now... or at least, on her way over there.
She's gonna bring me back a bracelet :) Yay !

AND YEAH.
I wanna go to Hannah's house today.
But she hasn't gotten home yet, since she's still at Summer School.

Gosh.
Writing in a blog can be sooo tiring. haha
I've been typing on this keyboard ever since this morning.

I need Pinkberry.
Yeahh, that'll get my mind off of things :PP

Thank God.

I'm finally getting over him.

Let this continue... my life can definitely be how it's supposed to be.

Thank You, God :)

GEEEZZ

My mom is getting me mad.
She's yelling at me for no apparent reason.
Mann... FILIPINO PARENTS! -_-

Anyway, my day was okay.
I woke up at 8, still sleepy... yet hungry.
So I went downstairs and ate some breakfast.

Afterwards... I went upstairs.
Today... is now boring.
lol

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO!!
gosh.
i need a life.

Man. Awwkkward.

I woke up at 7:40 to eat breakfast and get ready for church.

Church was same as always.
But I was sitting next to a cat. But usually, I call him "Kuya".
He was scratching me!!
Like nonstop.

I tried everything to avoid him from doing it again.
I even got my scarf and wrapped it around my arms. But I failed.
So now, I got red marks streaked on my arm. Hopefully it fades. (:

When church finished, my family and I went to Island Pacific, and Rite- Aid. hehe
And yeahhhh, we went home afterwards.

What else did we do?
Ugh, nothing!
Cos today, was a boring day.

But just recently, my mom got a haircut near Seafood City. You filipinos know that place right?
Well, surprisingly... I saw Sabrina there!!
Her hair was all curled, and she had make-up! Ooooh, what a cutie!

Later on, Sabrina left... and like 3 minutes later... I SAW MITCHEL!
I was like, "WTF? Who else am I going to see?! THE WHOLE GROUP!?"

Mannn. I want to see how Mitchel looks like after he gets his haircut. x]]]]

SO YEAH. I'm pretty bored.
I need a life.

-________-

1st day.

Today is the first day of Summer Vacation.

I'm kinda telling this to everyone who is reading my blog:

I like this boy. But it's an "On & Off" kinda thing.
Like for example: I like him for 2 months, then my crush on him just stops. Then... later on, it happens again.
Ughhh... I just don't know what to do.

I kinda feel heart-broken right now, for various reasons.
- I know he likes someone else.

This can probably put a clue to my Yorbita friends out there:

I've always said, "I just want us to be bestfriends. Nothing more."

So there ya have it.
My clue on who that "boy" is. I'm sure you guys can figure out who he is.

And honestly, I'm trying to stop myself from falling in love with him/ liking him. Because sometimes I feel like there's always someone else that can have a happier time with him. You know?
So what's really the point of trying, if you know you're just going to fail.

At times I wonder how my life would change, if I never met him?
Heh, I'm guessing I wouldn't be in this mess right now.

I just have to stop my heart from loving him, more than what we are- bestfriends.

God, tell me what to do.

Why?

Is my life somewhat getting WORSE AND WORSE?!

Today is the last day of school, and it has to end this way.
He told me something... and now, I regret hearing it.

I don't know if you guys know who I'm talking about, and I'm sure HE doesn't know himself.
I just wish I had the power to go back in time, and fix EVERYTHING that I want to change.

It kinda feels like every single day... my life is changing in a way that makes me want to forget about all the things that has just recently happened in my life.
I want to scream so loud, my eardrums will shatter into a million pieces..

Just how my life is now shattering into a thousand pieces, that are impossible to put together.

I have no idea why my life is turning out this way. Not a clue.
I just hate it.
I really do.

Some people don't actually know how I feel. It may seem like I'm content, but really... my life is just so difficult to control.
I can never say, "I'm happy with my life", and actually be truthful.
I'm now the kinda girl that can say sorry, and not mean it. I can break the promises I promised to keep.

Sometimes, I don't mean anything I say.
The "I Love You's"
The "I'm Sorry's"
The "I understand's"

Now what happens next?
Oh, here comes all the negatives.

Heh, I guess great things don't exist in my world.

I hate this.

I don't want 6th grade to end this way:

Fights. Drama. Rumors. Long conversations that make you cry tears of sorrow.

I want it to end with:

Laughs. Craziness. Tears of joy. And just happily hanging out with my friends.
Nobody being left out.

These days, I just want to scream until I lose my voice.
Although, my voice is never heard.
Only the "specifics" hear my words, and try to help me out.

It's alright if they don't understand me.
Because I don't even think one person in this world, is willing to be smart enough to do that.

God, help me.

I'm saying

FML too often.
And it's gotta stop.

BUT HOW?

School is somewhat my new depression. Despite having school over in 3 days.
I realized that my life isn't always filled with "happiness"

Today at school, my friend Alyanna and I had our "Confession Talk" and our "Whatever you want to say to one another" talk.
It feels soooo good to let it out to someone you fully trust.

Even later on today at school, we had another one of those talks. We walked around the field about 4 times (just the two of us), and another 2 times with Abigail. Later on came Teresa :)

Hopefully I do this with them again tomorrow.
Sometimes, I just want to let go of everything, and start off fresh.

Moving to another school is a good start?
Hm, some part of me wants to run away from all of my friends, and just let loose.
Although, another part of me wants to be with them forever.

Robert (one of my good friend's), saw me cry today.
He said, "Aww, Jan. Wipe those tears off your cheek. Don't cry. Everything's gonna be alright."

But no, eveything isn't gonna be alright.
Everybody says that these days, but it's not always true... most especially not for me.

Gosh, life can be so complicated these days.

I just wish tomorrow will be a better day...

PYT

I just woke up from a 4 hour nap.
I somewhat feel so much better.

Today, I won't be able to go to Hannah's house.
I won't be going with Breanna to watch UP, since I already watched it.

So, I basically have nothing else to do.
But I still need to look for an outfit to wear to my brother's graduation, which is coming up this Thursday.

Anyway, my day was OK.
I woke up at exactly 6:33am, since we had to drop off my brother at Cal Poly Pomona, because he had to take a test.
We got kinda lost looking for his room on campus, cos CAL POLY IS PRETTY BIG!

It was about 8 o'clock when my mom and I arrived home. We left the house at 7.

Then when it was about 12, we went back to Cal Poly to pick up my brother.
He's the one that drove us home.
But first, we went to Jack in the Box :)
I can't wait to tell Aaliyah! haha

We got home.
Ate our Jack in the Box.
I watched tv.
Then I took my nap :)

NOW, I have woken up.

HA, I finally thought of an answer to this question.
"What is one thing you do 24/7?"

answer: BREATHE

:PP

Gonna go catch come Zzz's (:

For some reason, he's all I've been thinking about.
I want him OUT OF MY HEAD!

Thank God I'm going to sleep.
Just please don't tell me I'm gonna be dreaming about him.

Gosh, that would be a nightmare. ha!

But he's just my bestfriend. I shouldn't be feeling these kinda things.
I mean like, I don't like him more than a friend.

So, Why is this happening to me? I've never experienced these kinda things before.
Sometimes, I wish the world could be put on a PAUSE, and time would be frozen.

I always thought... should I just leave someone, before they leave me?
Should I not get too close to someone, because one day... he/she might hurt me?

But really, I need him out of my head, my mind, but most definitely NOT out of my life.
Sometimes, I just need my mind to be clear, and nothing nor NOBODY is in my head. I don't feel like thinking about anyone right now.

I never really know what sorta things are happening in my life.
In school... I'm always wanting to be alone.
Hannah tries to make me laugh, most of the time it works.
Mitchel is... doing everything I want him to do...
He's making me happy, making me laugh, being my bestfriend, giving me hugs, doing our handshakes..

From Monday through Friday, people at school are all like, "Jan, are you sad?" "What's wrong?" "Go get Mitchel, he makes you happy!"

Yes, I'm sad.. I don't know what's wrong, AND I KNOW MITCHEL MAKES ME HAPPY!
Some people just don't always understand me, and I'm okay with that. Because not everyone in this world is smart enough to do that.

I need some rest.
Hopefully Hannah is praying that I would get better soon enough, so I would be able to go over to her house to see her new puppy! :)
Actually, hopefully someone is praying for me out there....
I know I am...

Goodnight.
I'll somewhat blog about my day tomorrow.

I want to capture all of these moments playing in my head. And never forget about them... Because one day.. for sure... these memories will all fade away...

I reminisce the past, cherish the present, and imagine the future...

HAHA

Okay.
Right now, I'm on myspace talking to Aaliyah.

AND WE ARE CRACKING UPPPPP!!
We're talking about random stuff.

And not to be mean, but we're talking about Erika.
Aaliyah is all like, "When she walks on the earth, she jiggles."
Even though it is soooo mean, you gotta admit, it's pretty funny.

I should stop, shouldn't I?
Yeah yeah, I should.
I'm not a mean person.

No, Jan Mariel Hernandez Sandoval is not a mean person :)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i just needed another laugh :PP

OH WOW.
Now we're talking about food.
That's all Aaliyah and I ever talk about during Miss Becerra's class.

"JAN! Aren't you craving..."
"Aaliyah! Feed me, I'm hungry."
"NATALIE! Aaliyah and I are hungry, do you have anything we can eat?"

I feel like a fatty -_-

I don't feel good.

I'm sleepy.
I have a stuffy nose.
My head really hurts.
I'm coughing.
I actually have a small bump someplace on my head.
I feel dehydrated.
& I still went to school.
I need a life -____________________-

Someone come over to my house, make me a bowl of ramen (:
Oooh, that would make me feel better!

Good thing it's FRIDAY. Oh joy T_T

Life

CAN SMELL MY BUTT!

i hate it.
life can be precious, yet frustrating.

I'm tired,

of always getting accused of being someone else....

These past few days.... people have been thinking I'm another person...

AM I BECOMING DIFFERENT?

If so, please speak up.

Also, people think they know me so well... but they really don't.
Gosh, I don't even know MYSELF!

I'm just kinda getting tired of my life changing all of a sudden.
Even though my life changes for the good, and for the bad...

& I have about 10 more school days..
So that means, a new school... and most definitely... having new friends...

But really, do you think really know me ?









Think hard on that question....
Then when you're ready, give me the answer....